ICYMI: April Fools’ Day 2019

Epic Hires Jim Cramer as Financial Advisor

Epic announced it added an unorthodox hire: CNBC “Mad Money” host Jim Cramer is now the company’s financial advisor.

The fiery TV personality stirred up the health IT world earlier this year when he urged Apple to acquire Epic to make inroads into the healthcare software market. Epic, a privately held corporation sitting atop foundational commandments like “do not go public” and “do not be acquired” had little to say at the time, except for CEO Judy Faulkner, who remarked “Who’s Jim Cramer?”

Cramer’s impact has been realized within his first week on the job. Epic has already signed a deal to acquire Fitbit, the first purchase in the software company’s history, and Cramer said more acquisitions are on the way.

Now Hiring Fortnite Support and Dev Staff

Epic is seeking up to 200 full-time Fortnite specialists to support players of the online battle-royale game. The initiative is in response to a surging volume of phone calls—as many as 400 an hour—taken by Epic reception staff, but intended for EPIC Games, the actual makers of Fortnite.

EPIC Games said in a statement, “It was the graciousness, patience, and tact displayed by the Epic team that really wowed us.” Under the terms of the outsourcing deal, Epic will become the official support division of EPIC. The partnership will eventually move beyond support and into other arenas to the benefit of both companies.

“We can learn so much here,” explains April Wunn, Epic’s VP of Virtual Workflow. The typical Fortnite ambulatory visit is wrapped up in 3-5 seconds – completely mobile, and often while under heavy fire by rocket-propelled grenades. Wunn sees the potential and wonders, “What if we could replicate this in the Emergency Department?”

The future of the Epic/EPIC pact will include R&D into the areas of online-population health and social determinants. Wunn puts it bluntly, “In Fortnite, there are literally weapons in every home. And in the vending machines … more weapons.” She hopes to make a dent in the statistical average of 99 gun deaths per game, but concedes, “Something like that doesn’t just happen in two weeks.”

Epic to Introduce MyMom Interactive Patient Module

Epic announced today that it will roll out features of a new interactive patient module tentatively titled “MyMom” with its May 2019 release. The module will build on patient-portal technology already established in Epic’s MyChart to encourage healthy exercise and eating habits, with a dose of love, a firm hand, and perhaps a little guilt.

Planned features include:

• Text-message reminders to “eat – you’re wasting away!” when providers record body-mass indices of 28 or lower.
• Integration with weather apps, resulting in predictive-model texts reminding you to “remember your sunscreen!” or “bundle up, or you’ll catch your death of cold.”
• Seamless obstetrician referral suggestions on mothers’ linked children’s accounts, since your aunt’s accountant is single, you know, and it would be nice to have grandkids someday.
• Genetic test processing filters that predict the likelihood that one day, you’ll have one just like you, and see how you like that.
• Daily email reminders in the week before Mother’s Day, because “would it hurt for you to call now and then?”

“We’re excited to implement MyMom,” said Epic’s Vice President of Unwavering Support Trevor Berceau. “After all, nothing gets you moving like a ‘suggestion’ from Mom.”