The Industry's First True Cloud-Based Solution

VERONA, WI - April 2015: When dark clouds gather over the healthcare IT horizon, GOODyEHR, Epic's new cloud-based hosting solution, will help our customers soar over them - literally. Cruising at 30,000 feet, Epic's zeppelin-based GOODyEHR data center takes "cloud-based" to dizzying new heights. Other vendors have made similar claims in the past, but they have all been full of hot air. Epic's solution, by contrast, is full of hydrogen.

GOODyEHR is completely earthquake- and flood-proof, making it safer than other data centers. In the event of inclement weather, Epic's DR system can relocate servers quickly and automatically to a new position in low Earth orbit.

Hospitals Facing Significant Margarine Squeeze

Epic, hailing from the dairy state, well positioned to help organizations onto the new Butter Bandwagon

VERONA, WI – In an effort to meet the changing needs of the healthcare landscape, this morning Epic announced a new department focused on Margarine Squeeze.

"The industry has experienced some extra sharp difficulties as of late, but with the creation of this new service, we hope to steer it in a more mild direction," stated Epic spokesperson Jack Colby. When asked if the focus of the department will be on helping users improve quality or generate more revenue, Colby replied, "I’d say it’s about half and half." Colby explained the "goal of the program is not to skim off the top, even if revenue just goes up 1% or 2%, we want the

whole of savings to benefit the organization." Participating groups so far have been pleased to learn that a contract amendment is not needed, and in most cases, these deals can be done with a milkshake.

In addition to adding vitamin A and D to all installs, this team will also be responsible for rising an hour before sun-up in order to really focus on milking the revenue cycle for all it’s worth. "Brie deMeaux will oversee the new team which will be comprised of staff from other areas in the company," explained Colby. "We really want the crème de la crème tackling this matter." The Yogurt Department will remain separate in order to continue its focus on live and active company culture.

Epic plans to schmear the program across the cowmunity this quarter. One CIO expressed delight, "Ice creamed when I found out how much we could save. Rising costs are muensterous and if I may speak frankly, decreasing reimbursements have been kicking our dairy air." The media has feta lot of ideas about who or what’s to blame for margarine

squeeze, but these are exactly the types of concerns Epic hopes to address. "We can make changes that benefit all of the Epic comoonity, so we butter stick together. Many opportunities float right pasteurize if you’re not paying attention," Colby said.

"Ice creamed when I found out how much we could save."

Although reports suggest this service is completely new, the construction of the Farm Campus was udderly completed nearly two years ago and has some wondering if Epic knew the market was heading this direction for a while. Colby says "no whey."

Neal Pasturesson, CEO of Churner Corp. swissmissed the initiative. "Until the Supreme Quart rules in favor of our CowmonWell healthcare infarmation exchange, all these efforts will corntinue to be a Tower of Baybel." Alfalfahealth CEO Jugnathan Bush commented "That’s their idea? I can’t believe it’s not better."